How to Deal with Sibling Rivalry Relationships•
Posted on January 05 2023
Alhamdulillah, Allah (SWT) has blessed me to be a mother in this dunya. I remember the first time I looked at my first born and truly realized how much my own mother loved me.
I love my kids and try to be the best parent to them. And with more than one kid, I also want them to be good siblings to one another.
As with any relationship, there are ups and downs, but our hope is for siblings to have more positive interactions than negative ones.
Here is a meaningful hadith that is in the Qur’an that talks about the importance of the relationship between loving our brothers and sisters.
How to deal with sibling rivalry and relationships:
1. Remain calm and observe. Keep an eye on what our children are doing so you can step in before a problem arises or gets out of hand
Remaining calm and observing is a good way of giving your kids a chance to resolve their own issues and learn this important life skill. If you are quick to jump in and control the situation everytime, it trains them to always rely on someone else to solve their problems.
You should be ready to step in if things escalate and they are unable to resolve an issue that needs to be settled right away. However, if they can leave the situation to cool down and then come back to solve it themselves, definitely encourage it.
2. Create a cooperative environment
Creating a positive and cooperative environment is very important when it comes to dealing with our children. For example if they are in an environment where arguing is normal and experienced on a daily basis, it will not support a positive relationship. Try breaking the routine by introducing something new, such as an activity.
When dealing with personal issues, keep them private and away from their siblings. It is important to maintain respect between each other.
3. Always relating and turning back to Allah SWT’s words
Relating everything back to Allah (SWT) helps us raise God-centered children. If anything, this is the most important parenting task we must strive to accomplish.
The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عُمَرَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ أَلَا كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ فَالْإِمَامُ الَّذِي عَلَى النَّاسِ رَاعٍ وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ وَالرَّجُلُ رَاعٍ عَلَى أَهْلِ بَيْتِهِ وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ وَالْمَرْأَةُ رَاعِيَةٌ عَلَى أَهْلِ بَيْتِ زَوْجِهَا وَوَلَدِهِ وَهِيَ مَسْئُولَةٌ عَنْهُمْ وَعَبْدُ الرَّجُلِ رَاعٍ عَلَى مَالِ سَيِّدِهِ وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْهُ أَلَا فَكُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ
"Surely! Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges: The Imam (ruler) of the people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects; a man is the guardian of his family (household) and is responsible for his subjects; a woman is the guardian of her husband's home and of his children and is responsible for them; and the slave of a man is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for it. Surely, everyone of you is a guardian and responsible for his charges."
[Sahih al-Bukhari 6719, Sahih Muslim 1829]
4. Daily check-ins with our children
This step is a topic not spoken enough about when it comes to raising our children.
A simple check-in can be something as little as a question like “How are you really feeling today?” or “I see that you have been a bit quiet and reserved throughout the day, is there anything you wanna share with me?”. These questions help reassure our children that we are 100% there for them and always open to speaking about anything.
After any type of sibling argument, we can ask questions or check in like “Why are you upset with your sibling, tell me how you feel?” and “We have to look and understand from both points of views”. After an argument it may be hard to talk about some of the feelings our children may be feeling at that moment. Asking these questions or checking in will allow them to open up and express their emotions to you as the parent and see where they are coming from.
5. Bring our children together
Bringing our children together during the day or week is a very helpful way of staying connected within our families and keeping our children together.
Spending time together is one of the greatest gifts families can give to one another. Spending time with my kids is very important to me, it brings me so much joy and happiness.
Bringing our children together not only strengthens sharing quality time and builds different bonds and connections within our children allows us to always create beautiful memories with our family. Some ways that we can do this can be by having lunch/dinners together, bonding during the day, praying together and always resolving any underlining issues.
Dealing with sibling rivalry and relationships can be hard at times to deal with from both ends. Working towards a solution can also be difficult but always remember that coming to a common understanding and being allowed to view both sides of the rivalry can make things a bit easier.
We hope that you have gained a bit of understanding and knowledge from this blog and May Allah SWT bless you and your beautiful families! 🥰
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