We’ve all been through a horrid teen phase. Struggling with self-identity, insecurities, and mental health is exhausting for teenagers. Things get worse when they don’t know how to communicate their difficulties to people around them. A lot of times, parents push back at their confused teens who don’t know how to process their negative emotions properly. I was once an angsty teen so I completely understand. Parents, one thing I CAN tell you is that this won’t last forever. Don’t label your child as horrible because of this part of their life. So here are a couple of things to remember while you experience this difficult phase in your life.

7 Tips For Taking Care Of Your Troubled Teen

1. If your teen is “acting out”, there is 100% a reason behind it. Teenagers are often bratty, but if it is getting to a shocking level you need to realize that your child is going through something and you need to be there for them instead of yelling at them. Try to communicate with them about the difficulties they may be facing. I understand that teenagers might not open up easily or at all, but the key is consistency and patience. Create a space for them where they feel safe talking to you. If your child is doing something wrong of course you want to reprimand them, but choose to become the person your child goes to when they mess up.

I remember sneaking out of the house at 19 (right when I got my drivers license), to just go on a drive and visit my friend. It wasn’t where I was going that was enticing to me, it was the fact that it was night time. I actually ended up making a fast turn into a parking lot and popped my tire! The first thing I did was call my parents. That’s because my parents have always let me know to tell them when something is wrong and they can handle it. They were of course upset and rightfully so, because while I hated it, it’s actually not safe to go out alone at night. I figured this out when a man approached me in the parking lot and asked if I needed help. While he may have had good intentions, not everyone does and I was very much alone. Allah taught me a lesson right then and there subhanAllah.

2. Make dua to Allah for your child to guide them to Allah and become better. Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet said, “There are three supplications that will undoubtedly be answered (by Allah): The supplication of a victim of injustice, the supplication of a traveler, and the supplication of a parent for his child.” [Ibn Maajah] 

3. Try advising your child or find someone who they’ll feel comfortable talking to. Take note that advising and nagging are two different things. Nagging is oftentimes another reason for your child to realize that you, as their parent, won’t understand them. Visibly it may seem like your child is doing “nothing” and they don’t do the things you ask. But they probably have a lot going on in their minds that they don’t have anyone to talk to about.

4. When they get angry and start yelling, do not get angry and yell back. One of you needs to be in control of your emotions for the conversation to go anywhere and it won’t be your child. They do not know how to control their emotions and will end up lashing out, so what you need to do is remain calm and let them know that they need to take deep breaths and relax for a bit and then come and talk to you. This is effective for teaching them proper communication no matter how upset they are. 

5. Respect your teen. Do not treat them like children no matter how “not ready” you think they are. In your eyes, they will always be a child. Do not talk down to them when they voice their opinions. Involve them into family decision making whether big or small. This will let them know that they are an important member of your family. 

6. Lead by example. Shape yourself to be the person you want your son or daughter to be. Your kids notice a lot more than you think, and their parents are the people they absorb traits from. Never go back on a promise you made to your kids. 

7. Spend quality time with your kids. Pay attention to their interests and make a day of it. Let them know how much you value them.

Stay strong! At the end of the day you and your children love each other. So be patient and may Allah make things easier on you and your children.

Resources For You!

Dealing With Troubled Teens - a great post that highlights some of the things we discussed in today’s blog post along with more eye-opening tips! 

When Muslim Teens Rebel: Causes and Solutions by Dr Mohamed R. Beshir - "The objective of the book is to help parents save their teens from the negative impact of popular teen culture and succeed in raising them as strong, confident personalities who can contribute positively to their community and to the North American society at large.”

Islamic Parenting - A refresher on what parenting in islam truly is to renew your intentions